I was born in Guyana, South America of Indian descent. My childhood was fun with many aunts and uncles to dote on my sister and me. We were the first two nieces, given my mother is the eldest of 12 siblings. I recall very little of those years mostly feeling that I was going through the motions of life with an underlying feeling of being disconnected.
I felt like I was floating above it all. It was only later that I realized this inner feeling that was there since I was a child were the questions about life – who am I and why am I here?
I began to read many books seeking to "find" myself. I left many jobs in pursuit of the next hoping this one may finally be it. I always felt like I was trying to fit into life rather than having the experience of knowing who I was in my life. I worked as a recruiter in the hospitality industry and experienced financial success but quit when it was ready to take off as a solid future. I moved more than 4 times in 4 years. I stayed in relationships because I didn’t want to be alone. I walked a path of seeking trying to figure out where to go to find my true Self. I was the life of the party and strived to make everyone happy. None of it worked – I still felt disconnected from life and why I was here. I just knew that I wanted to be Me and that was the only thing that mattered.
Each day I went into my mediation room and sat there with nothing, no answers, nowhere to go, nothing in the physical world to give me any direction, just a profound awareness that I was here to bring my true Self to life, not go into life to find myself. I knew that the only purpose of my life was to be Me and I didn’t know how to do that.
It was then that something unusual, different and revolutionary occurred. I felt within me a stirring, an energy, a communication that I heard as clearly as I hear my mind’s thoughts. In that same moment I heard the mind’s thoughts, I heard another voice, which I now know to be my Self. An epiphany occurred – “I understood that these are 2 separate parts of me that I never knew existed.”